I’ve waited a long time to write those words. Mom. It’s still so surreal. As I type this, my perfect princess is swinging in her butterfly swing. Porcelain skin, the complexion of a doll the look of an angel, blissful slumber. She smiles in her sleep- she is my most perfect dream realized.
I made it. I can’t believe I’m on the other side.
I still look at her and can’t truly believe my good fortune. After nine months of mental torture she is here and she is mine. How did I get so lucky? Even when she cries I am reminded of how lucky I am to hear those cries. I am reminded daily of the other road a road which I travelled on for three, long years and how fortunate I am at almost 40 to have this beautiful little girl here with me.
She is my miracle and I still can’t believe it.
During my pregnancy with her I worried every day. There was not a moments peace. I worried that she would die, that something bad would happen that I would face another loss. I was unable to enjoy a minute of my pregnancy because I was so scared. Petrified daily.
I am so lucky that this little girl is mine.
There were days many days that everyone around me wanted me to give up. Three years and three losses takes a considerable toll. “Go adopt”, said my well meaning mother. “Move on,” said others. I persevered because I am stubborn and I was determined to prove everyone else wrong. Thank god I didn’t give up or else I wouldn’t have this perfect angel here with me.
To my daughter, I say thank you. Thank you for making me your mom. Thank you for your Laughs, Your cries and all that is you. Since having you, my entire world has changed and I love every moment of it. I am so blessed to be home with you daily and watch you grow up. You are so blessed to have the best daddy in the world and two grandparents who delight in you daily. You have made us all so very happy. You are so loved.
My dear friend Carolyn once said that Arabella was waiting in the clouds floating around in the heavens just waiting for the right time to make her appearance into my life. I love that. I still look at this little girl and can’t believe she is mine. Mat and I both can’t believe she is here. After so much heartache and struggle this tiny perfect blessing is here.
How did I get so lucky?
Thank you my sweet girl for making me your mom. I’ll do everything in the world to protect you and make you happy. You are my everything.
XOXO
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